Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
