I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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