my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
false alarm. still invincible.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
