when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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