Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
