is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
