There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
