I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
