Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just gift wrapped bread.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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