Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
