About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
