he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
