If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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