dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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