I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
my vag is so smooth its legendary
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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