Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
