dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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