Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
