You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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