u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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