Nicole vs. Life
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
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ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
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I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
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