Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Its about making memories worth repressing
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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