Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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