3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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