Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
