The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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