Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
