Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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