Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
