I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
