Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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