So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize