i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
