She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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