i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
