Your face is a jimmy john
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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