he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
All I want is dick and wine.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
