i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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