Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
