I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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