So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
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My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
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She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
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