On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
