all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
