awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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