the night ended with taco bell and tears
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
