Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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