We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
