I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
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my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
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When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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