She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
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There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
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I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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