One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I deserve this hangover.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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