SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
