kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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