I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
my poor anus
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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