i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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