pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
