That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
