well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
