Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
