My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
