I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
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I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
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most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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