So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Someone shattered a urinal.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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