My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Randomize
