If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
