they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
