Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize