It's a beautiful day for a hangover
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
