nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
