But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
