Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
