You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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