Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
