So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
