OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
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