I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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