idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
