i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
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