you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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