Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
