All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
